i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
