Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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