I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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