i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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