new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I smell stomach acid.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
