You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
