Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
