Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
