how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
