u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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