You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
