I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
