Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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