There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
