he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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