I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
