Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She told me I should be a condom model.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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