hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
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I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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