The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize