Just cropdusted the office
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
