I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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