if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
