Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
