this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
