Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
