Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
