so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
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did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
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I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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