Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
