4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
