in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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