And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
