I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Ketchup is God's man juice
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
