I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
