Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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