Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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