She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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