Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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