Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
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Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
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Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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