so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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