dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
