I want you more than these girls want KFC
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
