i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
