Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
