I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
