Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
