I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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