i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
