First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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