I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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