Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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