Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
