just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
