so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Oh god it's open bar.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
