first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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