i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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