i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
