just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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