I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
