she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
