i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I checked into jail on foursquare
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
