We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
