My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
