i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
