Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
