i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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