I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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