The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Sorry about my life...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
