Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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