Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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