at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
This toilet bowl is my home.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
