i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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