I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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