I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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