Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
