I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
